Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
