There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
as a side note pls kill me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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