I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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