I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
