If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
