if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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