just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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