I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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