Michael Bay diarrhea
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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