she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
