Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am available for nakedness
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
