Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
