pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
