S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
