you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
