Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
