I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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