whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
