Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
