finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
