their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
