Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
