Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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