wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
