It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
