just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
