She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
