But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
