I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
