You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
