Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
