I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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