I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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