It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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