Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
