just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
