Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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