He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
