How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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