There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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