Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
