I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
