Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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