Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
