She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
