why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
