I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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