Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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