i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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