We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
